Log in

No account? Create an account
Goddess of the Malnourished* [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
Goddess of the Malnourished*

[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ archive | journal archive ]

i'll burn my eyes out. [May. 10th, 2007|01:08 pm]
Goddess of the Malnourished*
[mood |coldcold]

so today, i am assuming it's around quatre cinq-six.
so far food has been mediocre
2 apples: 120
1 RC: 25
-------------- unofficial (it's only halfway through today) total :

my goal is around 700, so im good.
already drank a water bottle, so im gonna try for 3-4 more.

i hate how i am today, a timid and self-loathing mess of insecurity and
too-fleshy legs, all morning. i felt disgusted more with my self-pity.
self-pity has the ability to create a sense of disgust with myself that no other mindfuck does. but mostly, today i hate my cruelty and my abuse towards my mommy. i screamed so hard and loud that when she left my room(crying), i was shaking on my bed. and my voice is hoarse now, and guilt is permeating my entire being, but atleast that replaces the degrading thoughts that wore down on me the entire morning. the excuse for my actions is sub-par. it doesnt really "excuse" anything at all, merely explains how i exploded. i was excreting the steam through my mouth and voice and words (this was the steam that was brewing all morning, the noxious fumes that ripped through the learned barriers that i put up against my own self-sabotage).
and after my secret implosion from the little time bomb, it came outward, all the empty shells and pieces of mortar that broke into the skin of everyone around me.
linkpost comment

(no subject) [Apr. 25th, 2007|06:53 pm]
Goddess of the Malnourished*
It's two years now
this journal has successfully outlasted
any concrete one
presumably because I forget about it
forget to re read and be disgusted at my vanity and foolishness
last night I wrote a good-bye letter to my main vice
Ms. Jaclyn herself, and here I am, all fussy over the fleshy protrusions
that are diseasing what could be the perfect picture of me
It is true that the devil has work for idle hands.

Je fais une connarie.
linkpost comment

10-20-04 [Oct. 19th, 2005|06:39 pm]
Goddess of the Malnourished*
It was tomorrow, last year.
Three hundred and sixty five days ago.

I almost died and not, I entered the experience that
has never left me, that marks every point in my life since.

My period of (((( d i s c o v e r y ))))
thecenter for it.
link6 comments|post comment

(no subject) [Aug. 24th, 2005|11:53 pm]
Goddess of the Malnourished*
I almost didn't make it,
this has been my hardest year*
link2 comments|post comment

(no subject) [Apr. 25th, 2005|05:25 pm]
Goddess of the Malnourished*


comment to be added*

link22 comments|post comment

(no subject) [Apr. 8th, 2005|09:15 pm]
Goddess of the Malnourished*


this is how i roll *

link2 comments|post comment

[ viewing | most recent entries ]